October 15, 2019 —
By Frances Kolarek —
I am deaf. And it’s a huge pain in the neck. And that other four-letter place.
My hero, Oliver Sacks, wrote recently in The New York Times about “Mishearings.” And he cited several — e.g., he heard “choir practice” for “chiropractor.”
Sympathetic letters to the editor poured in, one of which touched a chord with me. “I can no longer appreciate music; it sounds tinny and annoying,” one writer said. Amen.
But if you really want the last word on “mishearings” there’s Walt Kelly, creator of Pogo. Kelly rewrote a number of Christmas carols as misheard by children.
“Deck us all with Boston Charlie
Walla Walla, Wash, and Kalamazoo!
Nora’s freezin’ on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower Alleygaroo!”
And he did a number on Good King Wenceslaus, who looked out:
“On his feets uneven ….”
If I can coat adversity with a humor, it’s a lot easier to bear. So I tell my friends that when my ears were issued to me they came with an 80-year guarantee. That guarantee expired some 17 years ago and since then I have relied on hearing aids. So speak up!
“Speak up,” however, is misleading. Shouting in what sounds like a Kurdistani dialect will get you nowhere. Clarity is the secret. Each syllable deserves to be enunciated clearly. I was encouraged to hear my friends who are not deaf complain that young people talk too fast, especially the customer service rep who says “Howkinayehepya?” after you’ve been on hold for 17 minutes.
When I suggested to a fellow resident that hearing aids might be a good idea, he said, “Oh, but they make you LOOK so old.” This from a person wearing trifocals and carrying a HurryCane. Look old? Get out your abacus and count. You ARE old. And, you are not “hard of hearing.” You are deaf.
The answer is simple. Visit an audiologist. Get a full, professional evaluation of your hearing loss. There are different kinds. Maybe only one ear is in trouble. Find out. Insurance will probably cover this. Then discuss hearing aids.
I am on my third or fourth pair now. Technological advances, along with increasing deafness as every year goes by, govern the kind of aids I wear.
I will not pretend that they are cheap, but again, make sure to ask about insurance coverage. Altogether, I have spent more on hearing aids than I did on my last automobile. But the newest pair, going into their third year now, have served me beautifully. I can adjust them so that the ambient noise in the dining room is pretty well cut out and I’m focused on what my dinner companion is saying.
Collington’s auditorium is equipped with a device to help the deaf, and I can adjust the hearing aids to receive the well-modulated sound coming from loud speakers — a considerable improvement.
If you are chuckling about “mishearings,” please do yourself — and your friends and family — a huge service. Consult an audiologist. Collington’s expert visits us once a week and has a practice in the area.
P.S.— “5 Myths about Hearing Loss” in the June/July 2015 issue of AARP The Magazine contains some very helpful information about hearing loss and the stigma surrounding it.
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