Make Young Friends

By Frances Kolarek —

Frances Kolarek-150 wideSomewhere in my 30s I got a piece of valuable advice from a woman in her 80s. It was in Belgrade, (then) Yugoslavia, where she was visiting her daughter, the wife of a diplomat posted there. Invited to a dinner in her honor, I was deeply impressed that this old woman had flown, unaccompanied, all the way to middle Europe from the United States. Having made the trip more than once, I knew how long and taxing it could be.

We fell to chatting over dinner and I peppered her with questions. Upbeat about aging, she did admit that the loss of one’s friends through death was a distinct drawback. “It can get lonely,” she said. “If I were to give one piece of advice to those facing old age, it would be: “Make young friends throughout your life. You are less likely to lose them.”

Make young friends! Those words have stuck with me, and I have tried to follow the advice.

My computer has brought me a number of young experts whose help has been invaluable and whose company I enjoy. The first, who has since left the area, set aside my original Mac (four fonts, word processing only, and a printer that required paper with holes on either side) and took me off to buy a new machine. He taught me how to go online, how to do email, how to use the computer’s many talents in the graphics area. He was clearly enjoying his success as a teacher and wanted nothing more than lunch and dinner at Collington’s table in return.

His successor, a young woman, carries on the tradition, assuring that I am up to the minute with the latest Apple technology and eager to attack glitches. We enjoy a steak dinner and come home to review problems. Our agreement: I pick up the check. She picks me up and brings me home.

A black couple with whom I am friendly take me out to dinner in the heart of Washington, D.C., in a neighborhood where Duke Ellington grew up, not too far from the streets where I spent my childhood. It’s always an adventure being with them.

While my academic friend and I differ widely about politics, we still enjoy an evening together. I owe him for the help he gave me in editing the book I published a few years ago and we keep in touch.

I rely heavily on these young people to reintroduce me to the “real” world. They enrich my life and I hope I stretch their lives a bit, too.

It was gratifying to read in the latest AARP Magazine that the retired actor, Kirk Douglas, said: “The sad thing about getting old is that you lose your close friends. I almost feel guilty to still be here.”

He concludes the interview like this: “In two years, I’ll be 100 years old. What, you ask, would I like for my 100th birthday?

“I’d like to be alive.”