October 15, 2019 —By Frances Kolarek —
Irony? You better believe it. The greater our need for help, the greater we resist accepting it. Why? Independence. Don’t erode it.
Independence — we have a strangle hold on it. “May I help you with that?” An offer to pick up a dropped book, to unlock a mailbox may be spurned as if it were an insult. “I don’t want your help. I don’t NEED it,“ the psyche cries, while the body may be hissing, “Oh, shut up!”
We stand guard at the portals of our independence as vigorously as the founding fathers when they signed that famous declaration.
Jane E. Brody, The New York Times’ personal health columnist, recently quoted an orthopedic surgeon as saying, “It’s surprising how many people don’t know they can get help just by asking for it, even from a total stranger.”
Oh, don’t be too sure of that, doctor. We know all about that. I sometimes enlist the help of stranger, who is always happy to assist a crippled old woman. The Boy Scout in us never dies.
When I offer help, even to the able-bodied carrying a burden, and am spurned, I want to say: “You know, help is not a four-letter word. Come on. Let me carry that box to your door on my scooter.” And if I bully hard enough, I am allowed.
Here’s my point. Do yourself a favor and break an old habit. Form a new one. Say “Thanks a lot,” and let your neighbor help you with the mail, help you carry a package, help you reach something too far for your own short arm, or bring you dinner from the buffet.
Help is NOT a four-letter word. And your independence, which you are guarding so assiduously, will not be eroded when you say, “Thanks a lot,” and accept a favor.
Believe me. Try it yourself and see. You’ll still be just as independent — and as deeply in need of a helping hand. To paraphrase President Obama, if you see an open hand extended, don’t meet it with a clenched fist.