Driving for Seniors — Some Humorous Thoughts

By Richard Zorza —

RichardZorza-150wideThere is no doubt that as we get older, we have to be mindful about our capacity to drive safely. It is also clear that huge changes in technology are making it easier for us to drive safely.

So, recently on my access to justice blog I got writing about some of the next generation of safety tools, like Back Seat Driver Assist, and Baby Mute. Here is the link to that full blog post. And, here are some parts of it:

Back Seat Driver Assist

Back Seat Driver Assist (BSDA) makes suggestions to the back seat driver on “helpful” comments that might be made to the driver, based on road conditions.  (The back seat driver chooses between two modes, one triggered by actual intervention situations and one merely intended to be irritating.)

An advanced “Restrained Mode” prompts the backseat driver when he or she can say something like, “I held back when you crossed the yellow line, three, five and seven minutes ago, but this is the fourth time.”

An even more fully automated mode allows the backseat driver to train the software to speak in his or her own voice. Then the backseat driver can go to sleep, secure in the knowledge that the driver will receive appropriate comments.  Upon awaking, the backseat driver can review the comments made for future reinforcement.

Baby Mute

Baby Mute (BM) allows the driver to trigger an alcoholic mist in front of baby’s face when needed. An advanced BMBM mode triggers automatically even before baby starts to fuss from a dirty diaper.

My wife’s cousin, Stephen Wallman, who used to work at Volvo, a leader in this field, points out that if one were buying both of the above assists, it would take only a cheap software upgrade to also install Back Seat Driver Mute, so it could then be offered for free.

And what about special features for us seniors?

Random Safe Lane Shift Assist

This software appears to have the driver shift from lane to lane — but in fact only does it when completely safe, thus keeping other drivers well away from the sensitive senior driver.

Unmarked Cop Car Recognition Package

This ascertains from the database of the state registries of motor vehicles to identify which vehicles are unmarked cop cars. (I suspect that this package might be popular with the younger set too.)

Destination Reminder Assist

When you can’t remember where you have to go, it looks at your travel history and suggests places you go at the same time of the day, or the same day of the week.

Lack of Memory Assist

After you get in a fender-bender, this package uses hypnosis so you can not remember where your information is, so people give up, and let you go. Of course, this package is automatically deactivated by Unmarked Cop Car Recognition Package.

Senior Snooze Time

Finally, no car is complete without Senior Snooze Time, which monitors the driver for any sign of sleepiness. It then guides the car off the road to a safe place and lulls the driver to take a nap until rested. It also checks if another passenger could take over the driving, if there is a hurry to get to the destination. (Thanks to my wife, Joan for SST.)

Any other ideas?